The Panda Exhibit
by Galagza
Summary: When Bookman gets mistaken for a missing panda, Lavi and Allen must rescue him from the zoo.


**_This is my first fic and I've got anon reviews enabled, any feedback would be awesome! :D - Galagza_**

It had started as any other mission: Lavi, Bookman, and a finder going to a distant country, oftentimes akuma showing up like an RPG miniboss squad, and listening to the locals talk about their UFO sightings while trying to gather information on the innocence's location; but this time life refused to be conveniently predictable much to Lavi, Bookman, and their finder's dismay. Apparently, a panda recently escaped from a nearby zoo, and Bookman (who oftentimes is jokingly referred to as a panda by his stupid apprentice Lavi) was literally mistaken for the missing panda by the local zoo's zookeepers.

Now Lavi wasn't going to lie and say he didn't laugh his ass off at _first_, but seriously… who mistakes a old man for a Panda? Even Kanda never mistook Bookman for a Panda, and he was dumber than a bag of rocks for Christ's sake. He had to get Bookman out of there!

And so, he goes back to the Black Order Headquarters for reinforcements _just in case. _Lavi wouldn't ever admit it, but he was a tad scared of that zoo after what it had done.

(AT BLACK ORDER HEADQUARTERS)

"What?"

The Jr. Bookman would have seen the most puzzled expression in unrecorded history if he weren't having a staring contest with his boots.

"Lavi"

…. Getting in the right mindset to begin explaining what went wrong with his mission without everything turning into a jumble of words and giggles was harder than the young Bookman thought possible. Maybe he should try to say it like a doctor breaking bad news, like "your girlfriend is pregnant" …yeah.

"LAVI"

Lavi glanced up from his boots, adjusted his eye patch, and gave Komui the most serious face he could muster before saying, "Bookman was mistaken for a panda and kidnapped by zookeepers, I need someone to go back to the zoo with me so we can bust him out." Komui knew that he wasn't joking (how can a face that serious joke? Lavi would make a great doctor.), but that didn't stop him from laughing at the Bookman's misfortune. "Take Allen, he's probably the best choice" and Lavi had to agree on that for obvious reasons, like the brit being a big fan of byzantine tactics.

(SCENE BREAK!)

Wandering the halls yelling out Allen's favorite foods wasn't working, much to Lavi's surprise. It worked in the ark, why not in headquarters? Taking a few lefts and a right, Lavi found himself in front of the cafeteria- _that place Allen can be found when he's not lost! _And indeed, he was in the cafeteria all along. "Allen! I've been looking allover for you!" and Lavi swore he saw Allen smirk for a second. "Yeah, I heard you yelling 'DANGO!' 'STEAKS!' 'PIE!' 'CURRY!' 'SPEGHETTI!'" Allen made a few exaggerated gestures while saying each food name, mocking grin growing larger with each exclamation, "honestly Lavi, someone would have to be deaf not to hear you through the whole Order!" at this Lavi felt a bit embarrassed, was he really that loud? Does everyone in the Order think he's lost his mind? Maybe he should hold off explaining his reasons for looking for Allen until they were well alone. "Er, anyway, you have a mission and we're leaving together in… ten minutes." That was a lie, but he wanted to see the panic flash through Allen's eyes, and hopefully he'll choke on his food mountain trying to beat the deadline. The brit had it coming, he insulted his man-pride by mocking his efforts so openly.

The minutes flashed by and before Lavi knew it, the two exorcists were on a train headed towards the damn zoo.

"So Lavi, what's the mission?" The brit had finally asked the million dollar question. "Well, it's more of a rescue than a retrieval…. You see, Bookman got mistaken for a missing Panda from a nearby zoo. It sounds crazy, but I swear every word is true! The panda finally got mistaken for a panda!" Allen's eyebrows furrowed, was Lavi really serious? Surely not. "You're joking, right?" Because mistaking Bookman for a panda took a level of stupidity only Kanda might be capable of achieving after a couple bottles of wine.

"No, I'm not! Seriously Allen, the old panda got mistaken for a panda!" Lavi was going to slap a ho if brit didn't believe him, this was a serious situation darnit! Allen continued to look at Lavi like he just said "Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?" but didn't raise any questions, like deep down inside he believed someone could.

(GOIN' TO THE ZOO)

"How long have we been here?" Allen seriously had no idea how he had gone from the train to the zoo. Lavi sighed, "You're such a space cadet Allen, we just got to the zoo." and now it was Allen's turn to sigh, "I know that, but how did we get here?"

"By train, _obviously_. You sure are stupid today Allen." deadpanned a very irritated Jr. Bookman.

"Ugh. Whatever Lavi."

**Damn straight.**

"Okay, now we need to find the panda exhibit." Lavi sagely planned. "Right," Allen agreed with enthusiastic seriousness, "it would be easier to find it if we got a map." and for the first time that day Lavi didn't think Allen was being an idiot.

After visiting an information booth and acquiring a map, they made their way to the panda exhibit where a very cranky Bookman would be doing panda things. Allen suggested "eating salmon", he's not beary animal savvy, bless his soul.

Once at the exhibit, neither chose to voice how long it was taking to see which panda wasn't a real panda. Was there innocence at the zoo making the old man look like a real panda? Maybe so.

"Oi, Bookman!" All pandas, lazily treating their sugar canes like a passionate lover would looked over to Allen who had given up on "Where's Waldo: _Bookman Edition_". When he got no response, he sighed, glanced at his surroundings and headed towards the other end of the exhibit.

Lavi on the other hand hadn't given up on finding Bookman in the sea of lazy bears, and was so dedicated to the job he never noticed Allen left until he heard the young Englishman exclaim "JESUS CHRIST! IT'S A LION!" while running towards the zoo's exit.

"ALLEN! NO!" Lavi chased after him, but it was too late, Allen was already in a taxi headed who-knows-where, and once again at square one, Lavi was on his own.

Lavi puffed up his chest, he had to do what he had to do- save Bookman.

(MEANWHILE, SEVERAL DAYS LATER AT HEADQUARTERS…)

Allen entered Komui's office, looking horrible.

"Allen? How did the mission go?" Komui was more than a little curious how things went, this unfortunate turn of events being his entertainment for the week.

Allen sighed, "Well, I don't really know…." and played with his sleeves nervously, and finally spoke again. "I was there with Lavi looking for Bookman and then…"

"What?" Komui's curiosity was peaked.

"I saw a lion."

Komui gaped, at a loss for words until….

"JESUS CHRIST!"


End file.
